So here we go:
You ever just hit that point in your life where everything just makes sense? You realize all the good and bad that you went through was for a reason and though it may not have fully panned out yet, you understand where life is going and where it's taking you...? I think I just hit that point maybe 5 minutes ago.
As I've mentioned before, I know my place in this world. And I work damn hard to make sure I get me there. But that doesn't mean that I've fully understood what my life is currently entailing and everything that is going on around me. Let me try to give a little back story without having to expose myself in a way that I'm not ready for.
I am, beyond belief, a people pleaser. Everything I do and most of who I am is mainly for the benefit of others. It's my nature, it's the only way I know, it's what makes me happiest. Up until a couple months ago, I constantly gave myself completely to people; if someone needed something, I was there. If there was something that I could do I did it.
I'm not one to ask for help ever and if I know I can make it work on my own, I'm not going to involve you. And if I do ask for help, it's because I'm seriously at my breaking point, the last straw, I have no other options... That's just how I am. However, shit was getting ridiculous. Dudes treating me like shit just cause they thought they could. "Friends" flaking, family taking non-stop. It got a little too out of control.
The worst part is I keep allowing it to happen. Because when someone else is happy, I'm happy 100%. If I can give someone $20 because it's going to feed them for a day, I'm happy. If some guy wants to go out with me just so they're not alone, I'd do it because I'd hate for them to end up alone and miserable knowing I could have done something to change that, even for just a moment.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is I'm over people's bullshit. I've never wanted/expected anything from anyone, get that in your mind first and foremost. 96% of the time, I don't need you, but I'm going to make you feel as important as I can because in my mind, everyone deserves at least that much....
Point blank, my epiphany was this: In the end, everything needs to be let go and learned from. In the end, there's only One that will be there for you, whether you expect it or not. trust, He'll be there.... For now, I'm about to put some shit out there that don't need to be displayed publicly but whatever, I'm on one right now...
Fuck everyone that always told me I'd never amount to anything worthwhile just because I wasn't trying to be "the next big thing" or something incredibly special to the world. I know my goals and I know they're a lot bigger than all the fake ass rappers/models/producers/managers, etc. that are around me right now.
Fuck all the dudes that have ever thought of me as just some other chick in their line of hoes trying to get some type of attention or whatever those bitches do. Chances are, I told you I had feelings for you, I told you I wanted you, I probably mentioned you were "the fuckin best" but trust, none of that shit was real. Check the facts.
Fuck every person that's ever used me for some bullshit knowing I'd be there for them because I'm actually a good person but never considering me in return. Fuck them for being not-so-good people. You can continue to be a jerk if you want to but trust, when all is said and done, I'm going to be the one that ends up looking like the "good guy".
Lastly, to those 2 dudes: the ones I never really fucked with, never had any intentions on pursuing anything with but I believed in so much (and still do)... Fuck you for not realizing what great of an asset I am. Not to knock your hussle or anything because in my eyes, you're going to be "it", with or without me. However, treating people like shit, ignoring them, being cruel, and just overall an asshole, is not the way to go. Which is why neither of you have really gotten anywhere so far. And as soon as you realize that, all will be well...
I do have to add that if you read throughout this entire "Fuck the free World; this is 818" rant, I have some music to add with it. The album that inspired this Epiphany. My Idol in every shape and form. The one reason why I still believe in life and humanity. If you don't have this album, you should kick your own face so I don't have to.
Michael Jackson - Dangerous
Released November 26, 1991
1. Jam
2. Why You Wanna Trip On Me
3. In the Closet
4. She Drives Me Wild
5. Remember The Time
6. Can't Let Her Get Away
7. Heal the World
8. Black Or White
9. Who Is It
10. Give In To Me
11. Will You Be There
12. Keep The Faith
13. Gone Too Soon
14. Dangerous
SUCH a good album. So many classics. Teddy Riley is all over this bitch... and of course I'm the one saying 'Congrats' to Riley instead of 'Good Job'. (Cause damn, that guy got to work with Michael Jackson. Michael muthafuckin JACKSON!) Yeah. I'm done for now.
Cheers and love!
