Cause It's My Birthday, Bitch!

Holla!! I've missed you lovies! It's my Birthday Season and I'm sooo "on top of the world!!"

Cooked a dinner the other night for some friends. Cause whats the point in being a Chef & not throwing dinner parties every so often, right?! Good night, cold food (EVERYONE showed up late, oh well) But my Oven fried chicken & pasta in an alfredo cream sauce with homemade garlic bread & asparagus (everything I make is fresh from scratch) was bangin!

So yeah. It's my Birthday Season. I celebrate for a whole season. Hate on a hot bitch!!

I apologize in advance cause I probably won't have any pictures nor alibi's cause I plan on being wasted and getting all my peeps wasted, in some form, as well.

*side note* the first song I heard today was Notorious BIG - Juicy. CLEARLY, it's gonna be a good fuckin year!

I guess there's not really any point to this blog but, I felt like sharing. It's MY time & Happy Birthday to meeeee!!!

Thanksgiving

I'm very excited for this Thanksgiving. Family, food, & chillage; you can't get much better than that. I don't usually do this but I'm gonna go ahead and list some of the things I'm thankful for. 5th grade status.

1. God: The man that makes it happen. My best friend, my everything. I literally would not have survived this year (and, of course, all the rest) without his guidancem love, & strength. It's been a very trying year and I'm glad I have the Lord in my life.

2. Family & Friends that are all Family to me: When all else fails, they're there for me. Maybe not always the way I need and usually not the way I want but in the end, they're the ones I can rely on.

3. Life: I literally wake up every morning, pick up my Bible, & give thanks for another day here on this Earth. Nothing in this life is promised and the only constant thing is change & death. Lord willing, I'll be dodging the latter for a VERY long time ;)

4. Music: That state of music has downgraded dramatically within the last decade, in the popular sense. I recently lost my iPod to old age and have realized how much my most static source for music (radio) is failing. It's time for change and I feel it coming. I feel like the people are ready to stand up for the good and get rid of what's not working. More and more, people are demanding quality in quantity & I'm beyond thankful for that.

5. Food: As some of you may know, I'm a Chef. And I'm damn proud of the work that it took to get me there. The only good that came out of this year was my professional certification. So much hard work & passion. It's what I love to do and it makes me soooo happy that I can make others happy with my food. I get customers, hungry friends, family, etc. telling me daily how much it meant to them that the food I prepared was good/made them happy/the best they've ever had & I feel blessed everytime I'm remembered of the opportunity to do that for others.

6. Love: I'm really effing lucky to be so incredibly loved by family, friends, strangers, etc. Everyday, someone reminds me how much they love me. Sounds selfish but it keeps me going, keeps my compassion & care in check; keeps me ME. When it comes to love, I go hard; I'm all in for any and everyone that's open to it. I believe the world should revolve around music, faith, food, & love and I plan on being that change the world needs to see.

I hope you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving and I pray that the most comes of it. When you think you have nothing to be thankful for, remember that I appreciate every single one of you that reads this blog/my life. Maybe I can be the one to give you some insight on how much YOU make a difference in my/the world and hopefully you're thankful for that. Love & Prayer!

*Thanksgiving Day update*:

Bad Blackberry flick but my food was GOOOOOOD!

Album of the Week

Aaliyah - Aaliyah

Released: July 17, 2001

1. We Need A Resolution ft. Timbaland

2. Loose Rap ft. Static

3. Rock The Boat

4. More Than a Woman

5. Never No More

6. I Care 4 U

7. Extra Smooth

8. Read Between The Lines

9. U Got Nerve

10. I Refuse

11. It's Whatever

12. I Can Be

13. Those Were The Days

14. What If

Everyone knows that I'm a HUGE Aaliyah fan. I don't want to review this album cause I'm biased; everything she did amazed me and this was the bittersweet icing on the cake. I will say that if you don't think this was her best work to date (Musically speaking because Queen of the Damned is my shiiiizzzz) then you clearly have not debated with me in person, BRING IT!

So since I'm robbing you of a review, I'll leave you with a "quote" by Aaliyah, it's absolutely one of my favorites. Yeee! and Enjoy

"It's dark in my favorite dream. Someone is following me. I don't know why. I'm scared. Then suddenly I lift off. Far away. How do I feel? As if I'm swimming in the air. Free. Weightless. Nobody can reach me. Nobody can touch me. It's a wonderful feeling."

Word on the Street

Word on the Street is Sade (Yes, I said Sade!) is coming out with a new album. The released date is supposed to be early February (sources say Feb 8th but I don't wanna give wrong info to you lovies)

You have no idea how much I've been waiting on this. My mom is already planning on attending the concert, I told her about it like 2 minutes ago. Jahaha LOVES my mommy!

Anyways, be on the lookout for the new Sade "Soldier of Love" early next year. I'm sooo flippin excited for this one :)

Album of the Week

Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreak

Released November 24th, 2008

1. Say you Will

2. Welcome to Heartbreak

3. Heartless

4. Amazing

5. Love Lockdown

6. Paranoid

7. Robocop

8. Street Lights

9. Bad News

10. See You in My Nightmares

11. Coldest Winter

12. Pinocchio Story (Freestlye Live from Singapore)

Don't have much time to review this for you, my work schedule is off the charts. 3 jobs & no sleep plus I'm up constantly working on www.BasedMagazine.com (holla at yo "web designer". Jaha!) makes for a very busy Janet.

Either way, if you've slept on this album, it's been out almost a year so, go have at it. One of the better "Hip-Hop" albums of '08. *KWest shrug*

Jessie Payo

It's weird when music & people find you and/or you find it but it's such a lovely thing. I was first introduced to this Jessie Payo lady when I "borrowed" a movie from my job (I work for a HUGE company who's image is widely publicised by a mouse). She did a song on the soundtrack and for such a lackluster movie, I was impressed.

Fast forward a few years later when I realized Miss Payo was on my iPod one day. Don't know how she got there and it's only one song but she's there. PS: I love finding things on my iPod that I had no idea was there to begin with. Moving on.

I've been meaning to attend her shows for quite a while now but never actually had the means to go til this past Monday. Let's just say; Ah-MAZING!!

This girl can sing her ass off live. She's absolutely gorgeous, and if she doesn't have the most talented "local" band behind her, I don't know how to respond to that. Anyone who knows me knows that i will drop my Freddy's within seconds for a woodwind. So add a sax and a trumpet to raw & sultry melodies and slick grooves and I'm all over it.

I spent the better part of the evening blowing smoke up her ass and being obsessed with Jessie Payo & her band but I will say this; if you haven't heard her sing, go to Myspace.com/JessiePayoMusic and check her out. Then buy her songs. Then go see her live. Such a talented artist. Not to mention that her other group Jupiter Rising makes me feel like they are the type of music I've been waiting for.

I've got a couple crappy crackberry flicks to add on (my digi cam is broke, so unprofessional of me). Enjoy and besos!!

This Is It

Michael Jackson - This Is It

Released October 28, 2009

Directed by: Kenny Ortega

I'm going to try and keep it short & sweet. If you are a Michael Jackson fan, watch this film. If you're not as much of a fan but still have some form of appreciation for him as an entertainer, watch this film. If you're not into Michael Jackson at all but have the time & consideration to see deeper into the heart of Mike & this musical production, watch this film.

With footage of the rehearsals and production behind what would have been his amazing "comeback" tour, This Is It brings us just that much closer into the life of a man that so many adored but never got the chance to really SEE. Anyone who knows me knows that I am, yes 'am', a HUGE Michael Jackson fan. He is my Idol in many forms, from being an entertainer to a brother/father/son to a Humanitarian all the way to just an all around genuinely caring individual.

Never would I have had the opportunity to see how much Michael and I truly "share the same soul". I don't want to make this too personal but I will say this, as I sit here with tears welling up in my eyes, I hope that one day very soon, I can be just an ounce of the fascinating person that was Michael Joesph Jackson.

Extraordinary documentary. You get the opportunity to see how hands on MJJ was in his music, his humor and love. You also get to see the incredibly talented people that would have undoubtedly shined on this tour. Thanks to this film, I am now a follower of Orianthi Panagaris. One of the best guitarists I've seen in a VERY long time. On top of the fact that this girl is gorgeous.

Not only is this a documentary of the tour that was meant to be but you also get to see a side of Michael Jackson that most were not aware of. So loving and caring and precise and hilarious. I'd have to say, my favorite part of the entire film was seeing how inspired his dancers & singers were to be around him as well as their reactions to Michael's insanities "Don't start without my que. I was sizzling, you gotta let me sizzle". Heartwarming to say the least.

OH! And the wardrobe. Don't give me the opportunity to go raid Mike's closet. Some of his jackets are BANANAS (R.Zoe status). Silver jacket, red pants & electric blue shirt. Hate on a hot man. And if you are not running out to pick up some Ed Hardy PJ pants right now, you're wrong... I digress.

Please go check it out for yourself, if not for the personal enjoyment, but to support Michael and this tour and the time & effort it took to birth this production that unfortunately never got to be.

God Bless and "I Love you All"

PS: "Just let it simmer" :)

Album of the Week

Thelonious Monk - Solo Monk

Released: March, 1965

1. Dinah
2. I Surrender, Dear
3. Sweet And Lovely
4. North Of The Sunset
5. Ruby, My Dear"
6. I'm) Confessin' (That I Love You)
7. I Hadn't Anyone Till You
8. Everything Happens to Me
9. Monk's Point
10.I Should Care
11. Ask Me Now
12. These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)

My Sunday Morning

After picking up my brother this morning then realizing we had absolutely nothing to do, we ended up going on a mini hike up in the Bronson Park/Caves/My former job & home. There was a movie being filmed so it wasn't as "scenic" as I'd have liked it to be but this turned out to be the best day I've had in a REALLY long time. Cheers.























Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
Release: June 25, 2002
1. Harder To Breathe
2. This Love
3. Shiver
4. She Will Be Loved
5. Tangled
6. The Sun
7. Must Get Out
8. Sunday Morning
9. Secret
10. Through With You
11. Not Coming Home
12. Sweetest Goodbye

I don't usally do this...

But this story that was passed over to me from an old friend of mine, Amber Atevalu, really touched me and since this is MY blog, I'm going to share it...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a
ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as
Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm,
petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he
understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without
any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while
after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact
that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to
live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and
being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Cheers & Blessings

Taking It Back

Something I did a lot this summer was sitting/swimming at midnight. I'm not the type to know how to relax so I've been teaching myself to do the things that calm me more often. However, the beach is far, gas prices are high thus, I resorted to my second favorite peaceful activity; the pool area at night.

I'm sitting out here now, Bacardi at hand, Shakespeare on my phone's browser, admiring how fearless my cat is while climbing palm trees. Tranquility, its a nice feeling.

I can't help but think of all the memories I have of this place. This pool, this apartment. I've literally spent my entire life here. So much of my childhood occurred right here in this pool area. So many conversations with my Noble St crew. Our mischievous ways. This is the place where I first got drunk, learned about sex, drugs, & fighting. This is also where I met my "soul mate" (in a friendship sense: we are the same person til this day).

This is the place I was at the night Aaliyah passed away. I remember coming home and all of us sat in silence here in this pool area. I cried. It was sad... But this is also where Cassie, Cuz-in, & I would just sit for hours doing nothing but reading each others minds. Where Julia, & Keri would talk about love & marriage while Martin, Travis & Isa argued sports and Madden. Where the boys & Jennifer did all their drugs and the rest of us cared for them.

Its bittersweet you know... Here I am, alone in the dark & enjoying it. Every single one of my childhood friends is generally in the happiest times of our lives and that's good. But I keep thinking about Butter and Nomoto, 2 of the people that helped define this place to be such a significant chapter in my life. I keep wondering had they not both died from drug overdose, where would they be now? Would they remember all the times we fought at this place, would they still care for all of us the way they did then? Would we still be laughing and joking together now as well as in the future?

I hate to think things like this because I keep wishing I could have saved them. I wish I had the chance to tell them how much impact they had on me. But I can't. And thus, I sit here...

I thank them for reasons beyond people's normal imaginations. I respected them for always being true to themselves, even when the bad turned them away from themselves. And I love, not just because of them, but because they as well as the rest of my old friends taught me so much that has made me into the amazing being that I am today.

And that, is why I'm happy. Cheers.

I wanted him to beat this....

Patrick Swayze

August 18, 1952 - Sept 14, 2009

Celebrate life. Love one another. Fight as hard as you can. Never give up on yourself. Give all the glory to God.

And always remember.... Nobody Puts baby In the Corner ♥

Album of the Week

It's not a new one. It's not a Tuesday. This goes with no explanation because I don't feel it's necessary.

Erykah Badu - Baduizm

Released February 11, 1997

1. Rimshot

2. On & On

3. Apple Tree

4. Otherside of the Game

5. Sometimes

6. Next Lifetime

7. Afro

8. Certainly

9. 4 Leaf Clover

10. No Love

11. Drama

12. Sometimes...

13. Certainly (Flipped)

14. Rimshot (Outro)

Epiphany

I've been laggin on the blogs; the personal and music. The fact being, I don't know if anything in my life as well as in music is worth contemplating since Michael Jackson's passing. I don't know when I'll learn to accept it and I doubt that I'll get over it but just so you know, that's where I've been these past few weeks... (And to mention my past blog, only Cuz-in could bring me out of that funk. Supernatural and depressing all in one, I say)

So here we go:

You ever just hit that point in your life where everything just makes sense? You realize all the good and bad that you went through was for a reason and though it may not have fully panned out yet, you understand where life is going and where it's taking you...? I think I just hit that point maybe 5 minutes ago.

As I've mentioned before, I know my place in this world. And I work damn hard to make sure I get me there. But that doesn't mean that I've fully understood what my life is currently entailing and everything that is going on around me. Let me try to give a little back story without having to expose myself in a way that I'm not ready for.

I am, beyond belief, a people pleaser. Everything I do and most of who I am is mainly for the benefit of others. It's my nature, it's the only way I know, it's what makes me happiest. Up until a couple months ago, I constantly gave myself completely to people; if someone needed something, I was there. If there was something that I could do I did it.

I'm not one to ask for help ever and if I know I can make it work on my own, I'm not going to involve you. And if I do ask for help, it's because I'm seriously at my breaking point, the last straw, I have no other options... That's just how I am. However, shit was getting ridiculous. Dudes treating me like shit just cause they thought they could. "Friends" flaking, family taking non-stop. It got a little too out of control.

The worst part is I keep allowing it to happen. Because when someone else is happy, I'm happy 100%. If I can give someone $20 because it's going to feed them for a day, I'm happy. If some guy wants to go out with me just so they're not alone, I'd do it because I'd hate for them to end up alone and miserable knowing I could have done something to change that, even for just a moment.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is I'm over people's bullshit. I've never wanted/expected anything from anyone, get that in your mind first and foremost. 96% of the time, I don't need you, but I'm going to make you feel as important as I can because in my mind, everyone deserves at least that much....

Point blank, my epiphany was this: In the end, everything needs to be let go and learned from. In the end, there's only One that will be there for you, whether you expect it or not. trust, He'll be there.... For now, I'm about to put some shit out there that don't need to be displayed publicly but whatever, I'm on one right now...

Fuck everyone that always told me I'd never amount to anything worthwhile just because I wasn't trying to be "the next big thing" or something incredibly special to the world. I know my goals and I know they're a lot bigger than all the fake ass rappers/models/producers/managers, etc. that are around me right now.

Fuck all the dudes that have ever thought of me as just some other chick in their line of hoes trying to get some type of attention or whatever those bitches do. Chances are, I told you I had feelings for you, I told you I wanted you, I probably mentioned you were "the fuckin best" but trust, none of that shit was real. Check the facts.

Fuck every person that's ever used me for some bullshit knowing I'd be there for them because I'm actually a good person but never considering me in return. Fuck them for being not-so-good people. You can continue to be a jerk if you want to but trust, when all is said and done, I'm going to be the one that ends up looking like the "good guy".

Lastly, to those 2 dudes: the ones I never really fucked with, never had any intentions on pursuing anything with but I believed in so much (and still do)... Fuck you for not realizing what great of an asset I am. Not to knock your hussle or anything because in my eyes, you're going to be "it", with or without me. However, treating people like shit, ignoring them, being cruel, and just overall an asshole, is not the way to go. Which is why neither of you have really gotten anywhere so far. And as soon as you realize that, all will be well...

I do have to add that if you read throughout this entire "Fuck the free World; this is 818" rant, I have some music to add with it. The album that inspired this Epiphany. My Idol in every shape and form. The one reason why I still believe in life and humanity. If you don't have this album, you should kick your own face so I don't have to.

Michael Jackson - Dangerous

Released November 26, 1991

1. Jam
2. Why You Wanna Trip On Me
3. In the Closet
4. She Drives Me Wild
5. Remember The Time
6. Can't Let Her Get Away
7. Heal the World
8. Black Or White
9. Who Is It
10. Give In To Me
11. Will You Be There
12. Keep The Faith
13. Gone Too Soon
14. Dangerous

SUCH a good album. So many classics. Teddy Riley is all over this bitch... and of course I'm the one saying 'Congrats' to Riley instead of 'Good Job'. (Cause damn, that guy got to work with Michael Jackson. Michael muthafuckin JACKSON!) Yeah. I'm done for now.

Cheers and love!

Strictly Business

You know those minutes, between awake and sleep, when you're so content that nothing else matters? Almost like a dream; your heart is happy, your mind is at ease, and your soul is ready for whats to come. And even though you risk the chance of waking up and ruining it or falling asleep and forgetting it within seconds, there's nothing but those few moments that exist... That's what this past hour of my life has been. It's a good feeling....

The loss of a dream

I'm about to get incredibly real on you people right now. Bare with me...



Ever since I was about 6 years old, I've had the same dream; I was going to record a song with Prince, Janet Jackson, and Michael Jackson.

Growing up in music, singing my whole life in the choir, having my dad be one of the BIGGEST in Gospel music, I thought my life was paved in this path. However, today was a really hard day for me. With the passing of Michael Jackson, I found myself asking multiple times, "What am I going to do with myself??". Its a hard concept to grasp, for someone other than myself, as to why I'm taking this so hard but this was something that I looked forward to; something I dreamed and hoped would actually come true. If anything, Michael Jackson was THE ONE that made me believe anything was possible if you worked hard enough for it.


This guy worked and trained, and was practically "bred" for this industry. Hands down, there is no one greater. Dancing, performing, creating, improving. There are a lot of great people in the world but here's how I look at it: out of all the greats that have ever lived, how many people responded to them like they did Michael Jackson?? I mean, there are starving children in Africa; with no food, no television, clothes, or radio. But a GRIP of them know who Michael Jackson is. That's a true artist, a genuine Human Being, and Humanitarian.


Anyone who truly knows me know how much my heart goes out to the children of the world; fortunate or not. I don't know what it is but I know what I was put on this Earth for. I've known this since I was 6, about the same time I realized just how great MJJ was/is.

I was put on this Earth to be some form of connection between children and the world. A Missionary, a Teacher. Someone to help them strive for the best and to show them how amazing they really are. Through whatever format comes about, that's what I need to be doing and there's nothing that it going to hold me back from that.



Hopefully my Prince and Janet Jackson dream will still come true (I've kinda even molded my mind state and life in the image of Janet. I love her and she amazes me). We'll see how that goes because music is not my sole forte but it is something I've always dreamed. I plan to continue to work hard to make this happen and if it doesn't, Michael's passing has made me realize that maybe it just wasn't meant to be.



Love and cheers and prayers and blessings to you all.

August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

Album of the Week

So, as some of you may know, at least once a week, I like to wake up uber early and run on the beach before/during sunrise. This was the album I rocked it out to while I was there this morning. Enjoy.

Earth Wind & Fire - That's the Way of the World

Released March 15, 1975

1. Shining Star
2. That's the Way of the World
3. Happy Feelin'
4. All About Love
5. Yearnin', Learnin'
6. Reasons
7. Africano
8. See the Light

Earth Wind & Fire is undoubtedly one of the best "bands" of all time. Every member was of the up most, top notch quality. Sometimes I get mad at them cause, 'fuck them, why not me??' Jaha! Til this day you can catch 'Reasons' or 'Shining Star' amongst a host of other top hits of theirs on the radio. This was their first album ever put out, got great reviews from the billboard charts and their music is obviously still around today. AMAZING!

I don't have to tell you all how good they are but I will say this, about 80% of the time, my house would not have been cleaned if I didn't have EW&F's records blaring from my phonograph. They put me in a super good mood. And that's that.

Shit I'm Rockin Wit This Weekend

Super excited for this weekend!! If you're in LA, you should check out these events. Click the pics/links for more info.



Fozzy's Hero. I will rep these boys til the end plus 5. Come check them out tomorrow night (Friday) at one of my favorite Valley venues, Webers Place. FH always puts on a show that you'd be stupid to miss. Good ass punk rock from some uber cool guys that def know how to crunk it. I'll be there, you should be there. Don't miss it.





So, my girl, Zebek, Hoe-ner of the iSCREAMgarbage empire, and her Garbage Girls will be at this event. Loves this girl too much. And Flea Market shopping is super fun. If you're into all that, check it out.

Album of the Week

It's baaaack. Let's get it.

2Pac - All Eyez On Me

Released February 13, 1996

Disk One
1. Ambitionz Az a Ridah
2. All About U
3. Skandalouz
4. Got My Mind Made Up
5. How Do You Want It
6. 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted
7. No More Pain
8. Heartz of Men
9. Life Goes On
10. Only God Can Judge Me
11. Tradin War Stories
12. California Love [Remix]
13. I Ain't Mad at Cha
14. What'z Ya #


Disk Two
1. Can't C Me
2. Shorty Wanna Be a Thug
3. Holla at Me
4. Wonda Why They Call U
5. When We Ride
6. Thug Passion
7. Picture Me Rollin'
8. Check Out Time
9. Ratha Be Ya Nigga
10. All Eyez on Me
11. Run tha Streetz
12. Ain't Hard 2 Find
13. Heaven Ain't Hard 2 Find




I dedicate this album of the week to my boy, my Jap... This album reminds me soooo much of him and Dino the Greek. He was the first guy to ever get me drunk. When I was 11, we went shot for shot on some Raspberry Smirinoff. I won at 13 shots. He taught me how to throw a vicious punch and til this day, I'm still lethal. Nomoto would always have your back no matter what and he could charm anything walking with his smile. I'm grateful to have been given the chance to grow up with such an amazing group of friends. I miss my buddy.

David Takeshi Nomoto

4.29.1984 - 6.6.2006

That Guy

Before I begin, I'd like to clarify that this blog was written a loooong time ago. Kept it private for fear of exposing myself and others more than I should but, whatever. It came to mind today and thus, I'm reposting. And that's that.


Those who have dated have all dated them and all been attracted to them but we're not sure where they come from. Til this day, I have no idea but here's my thoughts...

I'm currently befriending this guy. And yes, for now, he seems to be becoming "that guy". Pretends to have interest, maybe gives you the best dick ever but, contrary to what you really sought after, he's just not that into you...This all started with a fake online posting. That's one of the things I do when I'm bored, I post a bunch of shit online just to see who responds. I have a few laughs and nothing more usually comes of it. Til a couple months ago.

I was shopping on the www and digressed over into posting like 20 ads for a chick looking for love or something along those lines... Got many replies; some funny, some desperate. One hot. So what do I do? I drunkenly reply. According to me, this guy was hot. So we talked; e-mailed almost every minute of every day for a couple weeks until the day we met.

Fast forward to now. I'm pretending to have feelings for this guy who seems to have little to no interest in me. He's got a lot of factors that attract me to him but shit doesn't seem to be happening like they normally would. This has never happened to me before. I did things "for him" that he's unaware of; like spend $30 on his drink at his show that, with good reason, he kinda acted like I wasn't at. Or buying new Tangas twice this month when usually, I only do that once a month. He doesn't seem to care to find out whats going on with me (keep in mind, I'm female, this may be all in my head).

Here's the deal, I have known others in this situation... But, I'm hot. I mean, call it what you like but I'm really hot. Smart, fun, nice rack, good personality. I'm good with people/kids, I'm an amazing cook AND I clean (lol); everyone seems to like me. It's just, for some reason, this guy does not react to me like most men do. Might end up working in my favor cause I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. However, I think females tend to end up with "that guy" because of our actions and expectations. We want too much and expect even more. Fairy Tales aren't real and yet, we're steady trying to create one. It sounds harsh but, in my opinion, we shouldn't think of most guys out there much more than what most of them are; selfish people who still haven't figured out what they want or when they've stumbled across something great. They'll come around but for now, it's not really happening.

I've never been a "feminist" type of girl but on this matter, to every female out there: you're beautiful! You're something to fight for. All women deserve to feel they are important and beautiful and often times, they're told otherwise or not told anything at all. I don't believe that's fair and I know its not right.

Don't settle for less than you should and don't think you're not as great as you are. If you play your cards right (meaning you believe you're #1 and let others know that you're #1) you can do and get anything you want. "Trust, I know them 20s real well..." It's all a matter of finding the one that says, "hey, this chick really is as awesome as she seems". People always say "if you love yourself first, others will love you too". In my opinion, you should allow others to love you and you'll realize how much YOU love you.

As for me, I'm still in the state of, "we'll see how far this goes..." but we all know that's not going to last long. Trust is important to me and if months later I still don't really know you, I'm not going to trust you... I have someone that loves me and I should let them, but won't for my own personal reasons. I know what I want and eventually, when I start looking, I'll find it...

I apologize if this comes off as demeaning to the male gender. Take it as a kick in the ass, if you will :)

Hope this all made sense. One love, JMB.

Quick Update...?

It's been a while since I've been on this thing. Haven't been near a computer in DAYS cause everything has been so effing busy. My apologies to those that care. Moving on.......


I've always been a very sociable person. Every time I go out anywhere; I hold a conversation with someone I don't know, I make at least 1 new friend, smile at every being walking past me on the street. But I must say, online social networking has taken all that to a whole other level.

In a rapid amount of time, I'm starting to meet and interact with people that I'd otherwise never have the chance to come across. Mainly on Twitter. Sooo many artist and music and greatness. Quite a few people that I instantly connected with and believe in their craft though we've never met. That excites me. The ability to share yourself with someone you don't really know and to open your world up to a more broad spectrum. The fact that there is new music to be heard and I'm carrying that venue in my back pocket... I just got chills.


Don't really know where this blog came from. Just thought I'd like to share. I love new people. And new music.


And I leave you with this: I'm teaching myself the art of shame. Here is the most crunk picture I have ever taken. Me and my Bestie on her birthday this past weekend. Tokyo Delves in NoHo. If you ever have the chance to go there, please do. It's fuckin ridic! Dancing on chairs, unlimited beer and sake, crazy Sushi Chefs dancing all over the place and hot guys working the door. On top of the fact that the venue looks like your Middle School's Final 8th grade Dance. So hot.






Loves this girl. Been ridin with me since the day I was born. Literally :)

Besitos.

A little too personal...

Random happy thought. Don't "judge" me in my time of vulnerability:

'The Pursuit of Happiness' is seriously one of my favorite movies right now. Not just cause I love Will and Jayden is amazing (he happens to be one of the BEST kids I know)  but cause I want that type of hope, or whatever you call it, for my children.

I don't even know these future spawn of mine and I want the best for them. I'm workin beyond hard to get my life together ASAP so I can have those babies and give them more than they deserve.

Teaching/being a Missionary is my calling. Motherhood with success is my dream :)


Cheers
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Sooo.

Didn't have an album of the week because, I just didn't. Not in a good mood; overall a very bad week for me. I'll get back to my "regular" self ASAP as possible. In the meantime..

I love these people.

Album of the Week

Rick Ross - Deeper Than Rap

Released April 21, 2009

1. Mafia Music
2. Maybach Music 2
3. Magnificent
4. Yacht Club
5. Usual Suspects
6. All I Really Want
7. Rich Off Cocaine
8. Lay Back
9. Murder Mami
10. Gunplay
11. Bossy Lady
12. Face
13. Valley Of Death
14. In Cold Blood

[Insert witty and informative opinion here]

I'm in a bad mood. Sorry for the slackin.

Gratification Celebration

It feels good to work soooo hard and then FINALLY get what you want.
I needed this.

"Caught slippin for a minute. Now I'm back up on my grind..."
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Fantasy Ride

In lieu of all these recent "celebrity" scandals and whatnot, it's kinda difficult to stay focused and out of the nonsense when it's in your face 24/7. I am not much of a fan of Cassie, same as Rihanna, and there's no way I'd give "Hoopz" any type of validity in my world. But then there's Ciara.

I was never much of a fan of her music. In most cases, I'm probably not going to support you if you don't blow me away. I expect the best of the best and that's all I'm going to pay attention to. However, Ciara is an AMAZING dancer/performer. Even as a straight female I can honestly say that I get a little excited watching her perform. (fuck that bitch! why not me?!) She puts on a good show and seems to be stepping her game up with this new album. I haven't heard the entire thing but I'm quite proud of her. And that's kinda all I had to say. Salutations for now.

Ciara - Fantasy Ride

Released May 5, 2009

1. Ciara To The Stage
2. Love Sex Magic featuring Justin Timberlake
4. Turntables featuring Chris Brown
5. Like A Surgeon
6. Never Ever featuring Young Jeezy
7. Lover's Thing featuring The Dream
8. Work featuring Missy Elliott
9. Pucker Up
10. G Is For Girl (A-Z)
11. Keep Dancin' On Me
12. Tell Me What Your Name Is
13. I Don't Remember

Album of the Week

Totes thought I published this on Tuesday. My apologies....



In light of the JPOP party I'm attending this week, I had a sentimental moment about 2004. I used to have this friend, whom I've mentioned before, and he introduced me to this girl. Japanese pop is sloooooowly taking over America and I find it amazing how Asia seems to do everything so well and yet, their music has yet to creep up on us the way I felt like it would 5 years ago. Either way, Enjoy.

Utada Hikaru - Exodus

Released October 5, 2004

1. Opening
2. Devil Inside
3. Exodus '04
4. The Workout
5. Easy Breezy
6. Tippy Toe
7. Hotel Lobby
8. Animato
9. Crossover Interlude
10. Kremlin Dusk
11. You Make Me Want To Be A Man
12. Wonder 'Bout
13. Let Me Give You My Love
14. About Me

So Utada has been around in music since about '98/'99. she's a talented artist and was only available in Japan til this crossover album came out in 2004. A little more on the "edgier" side of pop because this album was a collaboration between the funky JPop of Utada and the then incredibly popular Timbaland (anyone remember when Timbaland was taking over almost every radio station/record sales in 2004?? yeah.)

The album flopped here in America. Not much promo, I wouldn't have known about it had it not been for that former friend but I'm glad it's on my iPod now. Check it out if you have the chance. Broaden your horizon. Have fun with it :)