I don't usally do this...

But this story that was passed over to me from an old friend of mine, Amber Atevalu, really touched me and since this is MY blog, I'm going to share it...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a
ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as
Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm,
petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he
understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without
any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while
after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact
that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to
live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and
being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Cheers & Blessings

Taking It Back

Something I did a lot this summer was sitting/swimming at midnight. I'm not the type to know how to relax so I've been teaching myself to do the things that calm me more often. However, the beach is far, gas prices are high thus, I resorted to my second favorite peaceful activity; the pool area at night.

I'm sitting out here now, Bacardi at hand, Shakespeare on my phone's browser, admiring how fearless my cat is while climbing palm trees. Tranquility, its a nice feeling.

I can't help but think of all the memories I have of this place. This pool, this apartment. I've literally spent my entire life here. So much of my childhood occurred right here in this pool area. So many conversations with my Noble St crew. Our mischievous ways. This is the place where I first got drunk, learned about sex, drugs, & fighting. This is also where I met my "soul mate" (in a friendship sense: we are the same person til this day).

This is the place I was at the night Aaliyah passed away. I remember coming home and all of us sat in silence here in this pool area. I cried. It was sad... But this is also where Cassie, Cuz-in, & I would just sit for hours doing nothing but reading each others minds. Where Julia, & Keri would talk about love & marriage while Martin, Travis & Isa argued sports and Madden. Where the boys & Jennifer did all their drugs and the rest of us cared for them.

Its bittersweet you know... Here I am, alone in the dark & enjoying it. Every single one of my childhood friends is generally in the happiest times of our lives and that's good. But I keep thinking about Butter and Nomoto, 2 of the people that helped define this place to be such a significant chapter in my life. I keep wondering had they not both died from drug overdose, where would they be now? Would they remember all the times we fought at this place, would they still care for all of us the way they did then? Would we still be laughing and joking together now as well as in the future?

I hate to think things like this because I keep wishing I could have saved them. I wish I had the chance to tell them how much impact they had on me. But I can't. And thus, I sit here...

I thank them for reasons beyond people's normal imaginations. I respected them for always being true to themselves, even when the bad turned them away from themselves. And I love, not just because of them, but because they as well as the rest of my old friends taught me so much that has made me into the amazing being that I am today.

And that, is why I'm happy. Cheers.

I wanted him to beat this....

Patrick Swayze

August 18, 1952 - Sept 14, 2009

Celebrate life. Love one another. Fight as hard as you can. Never give up on yourself. Give all the glory to God.

And always remember.... Nobody Puts baby In the Corner ♥

Album of the Week

It's not a new one. It's not a Tuesday. This goes with no explanation because I don't feel it's necessary.

Erykah Badu - Baduizm

Released February 11, 1997

1. Rimshot

2. On & On

3. Apple Tree

4. Otherside of the Game

5. Sometimes

6. Next Lifetime

7. Afro

8. Certainly

9. 4 Leaf Clover

10. No Love

11. Drama

12. Sometimes...

13. Certainly (Flipped)

14. Rimshot (Outro)

Epiphany

I've been laggin on the blogs; the personal and music. The fact being, I don't know if anything in my life as well as in music is worth contemplating since Michael Jackson's passing. I don't know when I'll learn to accept it and I doubt that I'll get over it but just so you know, that's where I've been these past few weeks... (And to mention my past blog, only Cuz-in could bring me out of that funk. Supernatural and depressing all in one, I say)

So here we go:

You ever just hit that point in your life where everything just makes sense? You realize all the good and bad that you went through was for a reason and though it may not have fully panned out yet, you understand where life is going and where it's taking you...? I think I just hit that point maybe 5 minutes ago.

As I've mentioned before, I know my place in this world. And I work damn hard to make sure I get me there. But that doesn't mean that I've fully understood what my life is currently entailing and everything that is going on around me. Let me try to give a little back story without having to expose myself in a way that I'm not ready for.

I am, beyond belief, a people pleaser. Everything I do and most of who I am is mainly for the benefit of others. It's my nature, it's the only way I know, it's what makes me happiest. Up until a couple months ago, I constantly gave myself completely to people; if someone needed something, I was there. If there was something that I could do I did it.

I'm not one to ask for help ever and if I know I can make it work on my own, I'm not going to involve you. And if I do ask for help, it's because I'm seriously at my breaking point, the last straw, I have no other options... That's just how I am. However, shit was getting ridiculous. Dudes treating me like shit just cause they thought they could. "Friends" flaking, family taking non-stop. It got a little too out of control.

The worst part is I keep allowing it to happen. Because when someone else is happy, I'm happy 100%. If I can give someone $20 because it's going to feed them for a day, I'm happy. If some guy wants to go out with me just so they're not alone, I'd do it because I'd hate for them to end up alone and miserable knowing I could have done something to change that, even for just a moment.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is I'm over people's bullshit. I've never wanted/expected anything from anyone, get that in your mind first and foremost. 96% of the time, I don't need you, but I'm going to make you feel as important as I can because in my mind, everyone deserves at least that much....

Point blank, my epiphany was this: In the end, everything needs to be let go and learned from. In the end, there's only One that will be there for you, whether you expect it or not. trust, He'll be there.... For now, I'm about to put some shit out there that don't need to be displayed publicly but whatever, I'm on one right now...

Fuck everyone that always told me I'd never amount to anything worthwhile just because I wasn't trying to be "the next big thing" or something incredibly special to the world. I know my goals and I know they're a lot bigger than all the fake ass rappers/models/producers/managers, etc. that are around me right now.

Fuck all the dudes that have ever thought of me as just some other chick in their line of hoes trying to get some type of attention or whatever those bitches do. Chances are, I told you I had feelings for you, I told you I wanted you, I probably mentioned you were "the fuckin best" but trust, none of that shit was real. Check the facts.

Fuck every person that's ever used me for some bullshit knowing I'd be there for them because I'm actually a good person but never considering me in return. Fuck them for being not-so-good people. You can continue to be a jerk if you want to but trust, when all is said and done, I'm going to be the one that ends up looking like the "good guy".

Lastly, to those 2 dudes: the ones I never really fucked with, never had any intentions on pursuing anything with but I believed in so much (and still do)... Fuck you for not realizing what great of an asset I am. Not to knock your hussle or anything because in my eyes, you're going to be "it", with or without me. However, treating people like shit, ignoring them, being cruel, and just overall an asshole, is not the way to go. Which is why neither of you have really gotten anywhere so far. And as soon as you realize that, all will be well...

I do have to add that if you read throughout this entire "Fuck the free World; this is 818" rant, I have some music to add with it. The album that inspired this Epiphany. My Idol in every shape and form. The one reason why I still believe in life and humanity. If you don't have this album, you should kick your own face so I don't have to.

Michael Jackson - Dangerous

Released November 26, 1991

1. Jam
2. Why You Wanna Trip On Me
3. In the Closet
4. She Drives Me Wild
5. Remember The Time
6. Can't Let Her Get Away
7. Heal the World
8. Black Or White
9. Who Is It
10. Give In To Me
11. Will You Be There
12. Keep The Faith
13. Gone Too Soon
14. Dangerous

SUCH a good album. So many classics. Teddy Riley is all over this bitch... and of course I'm the one saying 'Congrats' to Riley instead of 'Good Job'. (Cause damn, that guy got to work with Michael Jackson. Michael muthafuckin JACKSON!) Yeah. I'm done for now.

Cheers and love!

Strictly Business

You know those minutes, between awake and sleep, when you're so content that nothing else matters? Almost like a dream; your heart is happy, your mind is at ease, and your soul is ready for whats to come. And even though you risk the chance of waking up and ruining it or falling asleep and forgetting it within seconds, there's nothing but those few moments that exist... That's what this past hour of my life has been. It's a good feeling....

The loss of a dream

I'm about to get incredibly real on you people right now. Bare with me...



Ever since I was about 6 years old, I've had the same dream; I was going to record a song with Prince, Janet Jackson, and Michael Jackson.

Growing up in music, singing my whole life in the choir, having my dad be one of the BIGGEST in Gospel music, I thought my life was paved in this path. However, today was a really hard day for me. With the passing of Michael Jackson, I found myself asking multiple times, "What am I going to do with myself??". Its a hard concept to grasp, for someone other than myself, as to why I'm taking this so hard but this was something that I looked forward to; something I dreamed and hoped would actually come true. If anything, Michael Jackson was THE ONE that made me believe anything was possible if you worked hard enough for it.


This guy worked and trained, and was practically "bred" for this industry. Hands down, there is no one greater. Dancing, performing, creating, improving. There are a lot of great people in the world but here's how I look at it: out of all the greats that have ever lived, how many people responded to them like they did Michael Jackson?? I mean, there are starving children in Africa; with no food, no television, clothes, or radio. But a GRIP of them know who Michael Jackson is. That's a true artist, a genuine Human Being, and Humanitarian.


Anyone who truly knows me know how much my heart goes out to the children of the world; fortunate or not. I don't know what it is but I know what I was put on this Earth for. I've known this since I was 6, about the same time I realized just how great MJJ was/is.

I was put on this Earth to be some form of connection between children and the world. A Missionary, a Teacher. Someone to help them strive for the best and to show them how amazing they really are. Through whatever format comes about, that's what I need to be doing and there's nothing that it going to hold me back from that.



Hopefully my Prince and Janet Jackson dream will still come true (I've kinda even molded my mind state and life in the image of Janet. I love her and she amazes me). We'll see how that goes because music is not my sole forte but it is something I've always dreamed. I plan to continue to work hard to make this happen and if it doesn't, Michael's passing has made me realize that maybe it just wasn't meant to be.



Love and cheers and prayers and blessings to you all.

August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

Album of the Week

So, as some of you may know, at least once a week, I like to wake up uber early and run on the beach before/during sunrise. This was the album I rocked it out to while I was there this morning. Enjoy.

Earth Wind & Fire - That's the Way of the World

Released March 15, 1975

1. Shining Star
2. That's the Way of the World
3. Happy Feelin'
4. All About Love
5. Yearnin', Learnin'
6. Reasons
7. Africano
8. See the Light

Earth Wind & Fire is undoubtedly one of the best "bands" of all time. Every member was of the up most, top notch quality. Sometimes I get mad at them cause, 'fuck them, why not me??' Jaha! Til this day you can catch 'Reasons' or 'Shining Star' amongst a host of other top hits of theirs on the radio. This was their first album ever put out, got great reviews from the billboard charts and their music is obviously still around today. AMAZING!

I don't have to tell you all how good they are but I will say this, about 80% of the time, my house would not have been cleaned if I didn't have EW&F's records blaring from my phonograph. They put me in a super good mood. And that's that.

Shit I'm Rockin Wit This Weekend

Super excited for this weekend!! If you're in LA, you should check out these events. Click the pics/links for more info.



Fozzy's Hero. I will rep these boys til the end plus 5. Come check them out tomorrow night (Friday) at one of my favorite Valley venues, Webers Place. FH always puts on a show that you'd be stupid to miss. Good ass punk rock from some uber cool guys that def know how to crunk it. I'll be there, you should be there. Don't miss it.





So, my girl, Zebek, Hoe-ner of the iSCREAMgarbage empire, and her Garbage Girls will be at this event. Loves this girl too much. And Flea Market shopping is super fun. If you're into all that, check it out.

Album of the Week

It's baaaack. Let's get it.

2Pac - All Eyez On Me

Released February 13, 1996

Disk One
1. Ambitionz Az a Ridah
2. All About U
3. Skandalouz
4. Got My Mind Made Up
5. How Do You Want It
6. 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted
7. No More Pain
8. Heartz of Men
9. Life Goes On
10. Only God Can Judge Me
11. Tradin War Stories
12. California Love [Remix]
13. I Ain't Mad at Cha
14. What'z Ya #


Disk Two
1. Can't C Me
2. Shorty Wanna Be a Thug
3. Holla at Me
4. Wonda Why They Call U
5. When We Ride
6. Thug Passion
7. Picture Me Rollin'
8. Check Out Time
9. Ratha Be Ya Nigga
10. All Eyez on Me
11. Run tha Streetz
12. Ain't Hard 2 Find
13. Heaven Ain't Hard 2 Find




I dedicate this album of the week to my boy, my Jap... This album reminds me soooo much of him and Dino the Greek. He was the first guy to ever get me drunk. When I was 11, we went shot for shot on some Raspberry Smirinoff. I won at 13 shots. He taught me how to throw a vicious punch and til this day, I'm still lethal. Nomoto would always have your back no matter what and he could charm anything walking with his smile. I'm grateful to have been given the chance to grow up with such an amazing group of friends. I miss my buddy.

David Takeshi Nomoto

4.29.1984 - 6.6.2006